MAY 4, 2025
Marriage jokes. – The Pioneer Woman
If there’s one couple that knows the secret to a happy marriage, it’s Ree and Ladd Drummond. Between running a ranch, raising a family, and serving up some of the most mouthwatering comfort food around, The Pioneer Woman and her Marlboro Man have been making marriage look equal parts sweet, silly, and downright entertaining for over 25 years.
Whether it’s Ree lovingly poking fun at Ladd’s cowboy ways or Ladd proving that romance can sometimes be as simple as a well-cooked steak, their relationship is a perfect blend of love and laughter. Ree even said it herself: “I love and appreciate every gift Ladd’s given me throughout our marriage, but what I really love is making him laugh.”
Of course, any marriage comes with its fair share of hilarious moments—after all, when you spend that much time with one person, you’re bound to have a few laugh-out-loud debates (usually over things like if they really have to hike the hardest trail and whose turn it is to make the coffee). But whether they’re playfully teasing each other on TV (have you seen their fake snake pranks? 😂) or sharing adorable and often hilarious glimpses of ranch life, these two are couple goals.
So, in honor of the Drummonds and all couples who keep humor at the heart of their relationship, just scroll down to read the best marriage jokes and funny marriage quotes to keep you laughing all the way to your next anniversary!
Witty Marriage Jokes
- Marriage is just planning for dinner while eating breakfast.
- They say opposites attract—he’s the calm to my caffeine-fueled storm.
- Our marriage runs on love, caffeine, and the understanding that there’s no such thing as “too much butter.”
- They asked if I believed in love at first sight. Of course I do—it’s how I felt when I saw the dessert menu.
- Marriage is realizing that “I’ll do it in a minute” has no actual concept of time attached to it.
- Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life. Take advantage of that as much as you can.
- My wife says I’m too competitive. I told her I already knew that.
- A wise man once said, “I don’t know… ask my wife.”
- Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself—for example, I’ve learned I can sleep just fine on two inches of a king-sized bed.
- Our house runs on teamwork—I cook, he eats, and the kids occasionally wash the dishes.
- We swore to share everything in marriage—except the last slice of pie. That’s a non-negotiable.
- I swore I married someone who didn’t snore. Turns out, they just held back until we signed the paperwork.
- Real love is watching them eat the burnt bacon you ‘accidentally’ handed over without a single complaint.
- Before marriage, I never realized how passionate someone could be about loading the dishwasher ‘wrong.’
- They say opposites attract, which explains why one of us loves making recipes and the other loves eating them.
- Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes and hail.
- Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch, all I wanna know is what I did wrong.
- At every party, there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
- The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
- My wife says I never listen… or something like that.
- I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to steal the covers from for the rest of your life.
- I walked up the aisle and said “I do.” And I’ve been doing it ever since.
- Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
- Marriage is about support, like holding the ladder steady while they hang Christmas lights… in April.
- Being married is knowing there’s a 50/50 chance the other person ‘forgot’ to replace the empty toilet paper roll.
- They say love is patient and kind, but sometimes love is just sharing the last piece of steak without an argument.
- When my wife says, “I’ll do it later,” I know it means ‘after I finish this episode, or season, or series.”
- In our marriage, every wonderful moment begins with coffee—except when he forgets to make it. Then it begins with glares.
- Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I’ve known him for about ten years, he’s handsome, intelligent, witty, charismatic… sorry, wrong wedding.
- If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes. They tend to last longer and are easier to replace.
- My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.
- I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months… I don’t like to interrupt her.
- I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.” So, I bought her nothing.
- How do you remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once.
- I accidentally handed my husband a glue stick instead of a chapstick. He still isn’t talking to me.
- Marriage is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but it’s always fun to scream.
- A man once got his credit card stolen, but when he was asked to report it, he said he didn’t want to because the thief was spending way less than his wife ever did.
- I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
- My wife and I often exchange opinions. I come with my own and leave with hers.
- Marriage is full of surprises, but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?”
- They renewed each other for another season.
- My husband said he wanted to spice things up. I told him to try the hot sauce!
- What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
- Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After a while, you get used to the temperature.
- My husband and I have been married for over 25 years, and he still drives me crazy. Lucky for him, I’m an excellent navigator.
- When a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
- My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down!
- Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
- Marriage is all about teamwork; I make the plans, and my wife makes sure we stick to them!
- Remember, love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!
Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings
Marriage jokes, – Ashley Alexander Photography
- “I’m married to a very unusual person, but maybe it took a very unusual person to be willing to marry me.” —Fiona Shaw
- “In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.” —Ruth Bader Ginsburg
- “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” —Winston Churchill
- “A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.” —Terry Pratchett
- “I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” —Cameron Esposito
- “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness–and call it love–true love.” —Robert Fulghum
- “Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” —Ogden Nash
- The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him.” —Cher
- “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes” —Jim Carrey
- “I can’t make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.” —Rob Delaney
- “There are a hundred paths through the world that are easier than loving. But who wants easier?” —Mary Oliver
- “I asked my husband, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’ He said, ‘Somewhere I have never been!’ I told him, ‘How about the kitchen?'” —Henny Youngman
- “I’m so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On the one hand, he does the laundry. On the other hand, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids.” —Molly McNearney
- “By all means marry; if you get a good wife/husband, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
- “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: You have to start over again every morning.” –H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
- “Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?” —Janet Periat
- “A friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked.” —LeAnn Rimes
- “Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin?” —Monica Hesse
- “It’s fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything.” —Lew Schneider
- “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” –Anne Bancroft
- “Husband secretly lowers the thermostat, and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.” —Stephanie Ortiz
- “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” —Phyllis Diller
- “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” —Ogden Nash
- “A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.” —Dax Shepard
- “Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three meals a day and remembering to carry the trash out.” —Joyce Brothers
Silly Puns About Marriage
Marriage jokes. – Ashley Alexander Photography
- Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
- Our love is knot to be undone.
- What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newly-webs.
- Did you hear about the two bed bugs that were lovers? They got married in the spring.
- Eat, drink, and be married.
- Do you know why the king of hearts married the queen of hearts? They were perfectly suited for each other.
- Happily ever laughter!
- The wedding made everyone so emotional, even the cake was in tiers!
- This might sound cheesy, but you’re really grate. Life is gouda with you!
- Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
- You’re the other half to my equation and then sum.
- What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married? Can’t elope.
- For butter or worse, a toast to the newlyweds!
- When she told us her fiancée was an author, we knew she had found Mrs. Write.
- Two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord.
- Words can not espresso how much you mean to me. It’s a whole latte love!
- The dentist had strong fillings for his wife.
- Aisle say “I do” a thousand times over.
- You’re the loaf of my life and my butter half—we’re really on a roll together!
- And they lived apple-y ever after.
- Don’t go bacon my heart!
- Why did the bride change her last name? Because it had a nice ring to it.
- When is the right time to get married? I don’t know, what do you propose?
- ‘Til death do us party.
- To laugh and to hold!
Courtesy/Source: The Pioneer Woman
